Supporting families with a parent in the military
If a parent has recently returned, it is reasonable to ask if there have been any unexpected problems. While some injuries are visible, many returning soldiers will experience the "invisible wounds" of TBI or PTSD. There is ample evidence that many veterans will not seek care for PTSD, and those who do may experience significant barriers to accessing treatment. These conditions will affect a whole family, so asking a parent (and your patient) about concerning behaviors, such as anxiety, anger, avoidance, withdrawal, or substance abuse in a returned parent can be the first step to helping a family. Reminding parents that there are resources available to them, whether through the Department of Veterans Affairs, community service agencies, or even online (see below), can empower them to help the returning parent get the needed treatment and support.
Finally, the death of a parent during deployment is a subject worthy of its own column. Express your condolences while acknowledging that grief is a gradual process that is different for each individual and is especially different for children and spouses. Ask if they are taking good care of themselves and have enough personal support. You might remind a parent that some regressive behaviors, moodiness, or even seeming normalcy are all typical expressions of grief in children and require patience. Increased risk-taking behaviors in an adolescent or significant dysfunction (refusing to go to school or total withdrawal from friends and extracurricular activities) are concerning, though, and should be referred for additional evaluation and support. Assess the parent’s capacity during this difficult time, and see if the surviving parent and children have access to sufficient support or whether a referral for mental health services is needed. For a child to know that she can speak to another family member, teacher, or coach can be protective and allay guilt, as she can voice her grief or worries to an adult who is not grieving as intensely as her surviving parent. Finally, you might work with parents to locate the community resources that are available to them and their children as they manage this painful adjustment while also supporting their children’s healthiest development.
Some examples of online resources for the families of deployed or returned veterans:
• The Department of Veterans Affairs Mental Health page.
• The Veteran Parenting Toolkit.
• The Home Base Program.
Most of us are isolated from the difficulties that military families routinely face, and it is easy to forget the impact and the risks to children when parents are deployed. We should not forget their service and their needs.
Dr. Swick is an attending psychiatrist in the division of child psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, and director of the Parenting at a Challenging Time (PACT) program at the Vernon Cancer Center at Newton Wellesley Hospital, also in Boston. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Boston. He is chief clinical officer at Partners HealthCare, also in Boston. E-mail Dr. Swick and Dr. Jellinek at pdnews@frontlinemedcom.com.
