How dogs can teach parenting

Be positive

Rather than relying on words to teach, using routines is the secret to desirable behavior in dogs. Dogs quickly develop habits (such as pooping on a certain rug) that can take many repetitions of humans supplying an alternative acceptable routine (pooping only in part of the yard) to change. Supplying an approximate alternative (rag toy instead of shoelaces), particularly if it is more exciting by being relatively novel and unavailable at other times, is far more effective than saying “No.” In fact, yelling at or hitting a dog is rarely effective because of short memory and lack of causal thinking and, in addition, can result in anxiety, shying away from interacting, or aggression; all consequences of harsh punishment in children as well.

Reinforcement works

Whatever your beliefs about dogs loving their humans, dogs understand only a small human vocabulary and are instead reinforced mainly by our attention to them that has become strongly associated with getting food or treats through instrumental conditioning. Because dogs have short memories, the most effective tools in changing their behavior are immediate attention, praise, and treats; this is also is true for children. The opposite of attention – ignoring – is very powerful in extinguishing an undesired behavior. We are told to wait at least 2 minutes after an undesired dog behavior before re-engaging. Why does this not seem to work in child rearing? Actually, it works well but is very hard for parents to do as our hearts go out to the begging child, who is part of our soul and closest kin. Soft-hearted dog owners have the same problem and often create obnoxious barking, begging, and nipping dogs as a result. These are all behaviors that could otherwise be extinguished.

Consistency is key

Behavior management works best and fastest if all the humans agree on the rules and follow them. This kind of consistency can be difficult for people training dogs as well as raising children, for many reasons. Most often there is a failure to take the time to explicitly decide on the rules; in other cases, it is lower thresholds for being annoyed and an inability to ignore a behavior. There may have been past experiences with being harshly punished, ignored, or coddled that people are are trying to overcome or reproduce; covert disagreements or desires to undermine a plan whether for the dog, the child, or the relationship; or even a desire for the dog or child to favor them by giving more treats. Sound familiar in pediatrics? With animals, objectivity and agreement may be easier to achieve because unwanted animal behavior is immediately more obviously related to training consistency than for children and may include big disincentives for humans such as barking, biting, or defecating. When these overt or covert disagreements occur in parenting children, our pediatric counseling or even family therapy may be needed. A similar acceleration plan may be available for people and their dogs (but not covered by insurance)!

While a dog may run down the stairs after a ball or a treat day after day, having forgotten that he will inevitably end up being locked in the basement for the night, we are taking advantage of the fact that dogs generally do not anticipate consequences. Yet, parents often scold even young children for a similar level of comprehension: “Didn’t you know that would break?” Fortunately, talking about consequences is educational over time for children but it needs to be done kindly with the understanding that, as with dogs, doing the same undesirable thing repeatedly is not necessarily defiance in young children but failure of our teaching. If behavior is not what you hoped for, look at what you are doing to promote it.

Much of what we call temperament is genetic in children as well as dogs. People know what to expect adopting a Jack Russell Terrier vs. a Labrador Retriever. With children we just don’t get to pick. Acceptance of what we got will make the journey easier.

We have much to cherish about dogs and children. If we lose it over the location of their poop, their forgiveness is quick. There is no such thing as too much affection. And joy is always available from both.

So why do I wish I could recommend dog training? Besides all the principles above, raising a dog together allows adults to discover mismatches in behavior management philosophies and to have a chance to see if they can negotiate a plan acceptable to both. Maybe it should be a premarital recommendation.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.