Walking in Memphis
Apparently Lisa Marie Presley is returning to Memphis to do something that I and every other Memphian (that’s what we call ourselves) avoids at all costs: She’s going to Graceland. To be fair, for Lisa Marie, it’s not just a gaudy, tasteless tourist trap; it’s home. But you gotta think even she glances at the peacock stained-glass doors in the dining room and asks herself, “Was it a bit much?”
I’ll confess I might just be resentful. Lisa Marie is, like, exactly my age, and she grew up virtually down the street from me! Okay, it was a really long street, then you turned right at another really long street and drove until you could almost see Mississippi, but still. Was it too much to ask that she at least come to one of my birthday parties? I blame the fact that my dad wasn’t even the second or third greatest rock performer to ever live. Heck, he didn’t even have sideburns. Whatever, Lisa Marie, you and I are still cool. But seriously, while you’re home, would you want to maybe redecorate a little?
Speak up
You know the rap on pediatricians, we’re just so darned...nice! Honestly, every time I hear how nice we are, I just want to slug someone! Instead, I offer to massage their feet. And that just makes me madder. A research group in Seattle, however, suggests that maybe when it comes to vaccines, it’s possible to be a little too accommodating.
The authors, hoping to achieve something constructive with their geographic mother lode of vaccine-hesitant parents, decided to study whether pediatricians’ communication styles really influence parents’ vaccine choices. They recorded and analyzed 111 providers talking with parents about vaccines, which says a lot about what some people will do to earn a PhD.
They found that those providers who were directive about vaccines (“So Johnny will be getting some shots today, and then he can visit the treasure box.”) had a massively higher rate of vaccine success than those who were more wishy-washy (“So, should we ask Johnny if he’d like a series of painful injections, or have you already heard such bad things about vaccines that we shouldn’t even go there and just let him take his chances with measles?”).
Among parents with further concerns, those providers who responded with firm, accurate answers about vaccine safety saw much better vaccination rates. They also convinced them that R2D2 and C3PO were not the droids they were looking for.
I have to admit, I was surprised at these results until I thought about how we respond to other life-and-death choices. What would a pediatrician say during a house fire? “How are you feeling about getting low to the ground and crawling as fast as you can to the nearest exit? You’ve probably heard that you can scrape your knees or even get rug burns, so I understand if you’d like to just stand there or offer your own schedule of escaping the flames...” Nice.
Survivor
The tobacco industry these days reminds me of the cockroaches that seem to keep cropping up around my house. Just when I think we’ve eliminated all the little vermin, they pop up somewhere completely unexpected. Like when we thought regulations on tobacco sales and advertising were effectively reducing the number of children and adolescents addicted to tobacco, and along come “little cigars” and vapor cigarettes (e-cigs). They’re like that roach I found in my sock drawer. I mean, what could he possibly want in there, toe jam?
Of course, guessing what tobacco executives want is a little easier: new addicts. “Little cigars” are exempt from many of the regulations covering cigarettes since they’re, um, I don’t know, a different color? Not only are they cheaper because of lower taxes, they can be sold individually, making them a lot easier to buy with allowance money.
E-cigs face virtually no regulation, but don’t worry, the manufacturers promise they’re not looking to hook kids on a new highly addicting product. Flavors like “Gummi Bear” and “Fruit Loops” are designed to entice long-haul truckers who are looking for something a little more tart than “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.” Here’s hoping that Congress buys the Food and Drug Administration some pointy-toed boots.
Six pack
Men could learn a thing or two from facing some of the ordeals women cope with every day. We can’t give birth, but we should really spend at least a week in high heels. We should have to put on eyeliner before we go out and then see who’s standing by the door jangling the keys. We should try, just once, to vent to someone who keeps interrupting us with solutions we didn’t ask for. I’m not sure when these things will happen, but according to research published in JAMA Pediatrics, it appears that surprising numbers of young men already suffer from a problem many pediatricians think of only in girls: body image concerns.
