Dinnertime Dilemma: Eating Out With Small Children

My girls are 3- and 6-years-old, and when they were 18-months-old, we never took them to restaurants. Now we can, but not to super-fancy ones and never after 7 p.m. We get our food to go, and we leave if the kids misbehave. I think it’s just rude not to, but not many of the parents in my practice think this way.

I think a kid-free policy is OK, especially if it is one that states, say, no kids after 8 p.m. While all children have the right to good nutrition, they do not have the right to restaurants. It is a privilege that can be granted or taken away.

Elena Bond, M.D.

Brooklyn Park, Minn.

Parents Must Take Responsibility

Per your request, Dr.Wilkoff, I’m weighing in on the issue of baby boomer complaints about parents disciplining their children while dining at restaurants.

At age 61, I am a baby boomer and a grandparent. As a pediatrician, I obviously am very fond of children, and feel they have a right to dine in fine restaurants. However, the responsibility to monitor behavior lies directly with the parents. Obviously, a 15-month-old, whose meal time shakes out in negative numbers, does not belong in a fine dining establishment. Parents should know the limits of their children and make dining decisions accordingly. I have witnessed 3-year-olds being instructed by parents: "This is a grown-up restaurant, and you must sit still and eat quietly," and the children complied. Stating expectations up front is the first step to success!

Working parents do not need to compensate for time lost with their kids. "Feeling guilty" is not a reason to forego discipline. Children learn behavior by limits and consistent rules.

In my experience, a large majority of today’s parents do not want to deal with the consequences of saying "no." It is much easier to give in to a child’s demands. Let’s face it – kids are demanding. My response to that is, "Who’s the adult!" It is also my feeling that parents want to discipline properly, but are often at wit’s end, exhausted, or unsure of how to control a child’s behavior.

Unrealistic expectations compound this problem. A 3-year-old cannot be expected to eat a four-course meal with a 7:30 reservation. On the other hand, having only dessert at a nice restaurant at 7 p.m. may initiate a new learning experience.

In conclusion, if parents want a fine dining experience and uninterrupted conversation, it may be better to employ a babysitter and leave the kids at home. However, don’t deny yourself the opportunity to introduce your children to good manners, patience, and a grown-up restaurant – just make sure you sign on for the entire experience! Parents who take the time and energy to weather the storm will be rewarded!

John M. Babinecz, M.D.

Paoli, Pa.

Eating Out

I am not just a pediatrician, but a mother of three small children (a 4-year-old, a 2.5-year-old, and an 8-month-old).

My husband and I enjoy eating out at nice places, and we enjoy taking our kids out as well, but I must say our family’s fine dining starts at 4:30-5:00 p.m. It includes places like Cosi, Panera, Chick-fil-A... i.e., any place they can be a little loud, and we start early to avoid meltdowns and bothering others.

I am a firm believer in routines and early bedtimes, so my kids are in bed by 7 p.m. We have much better behavior, and our children are much more cooperative, when they are well rested.

So on nights when we have a babysitter and go out for a nice evening, I cringe when I see a toddler out after 7:30-8:00 p.m. They are loud and whiney. ... Mostly, they are just tired.

I am even more saddened when I see parents toting these kids to an 8 p.m. movie; it boils down to being selfish and not putting kids first. We have become an "all about me" society, and becoming a parent is about putting someone else’s needs above our wants, which appears to be a difficult lesson for many.

Gwendolyn Chung, M.D.

Allentown, Pa.

Keep Restaurants Open

In response to your article, I agree that many young parents seem to need help with providing guidance and limits for their kids, and I think we need mandatory parenting classes in high school.

That said, as a parent in a two-working-parent family in the 1980s (my kids were born in 1982, 1984, and 1988), I had respite from those restaurants that banned children younger than 6 years. I took my first to a New York City bistro at age 6 weeks. My best friend, whose kids were born in 1978 and 1980, warned me "you always have to be ready to leave."