Dinnertime Dilemma: Eating Out With Small Children

In a Letters From Maine article entitled "Unhappy Meals,"  Dr. William G. Wilkoff talked about a restaurant owner in Pennsylvania who stopped allowing children younger than 6 years to dine at his establishment, and the restaurant owner reported that the majority of the over 2,000 emails that he received were in favor of his restrictive policy. Dr. Wilkoff asked Pediatric News readers to respond, and here are some of the replies he received.

Dinnertime Dilemma

As usual, Dr. Wilkoff, I completely agree with you! I think parents who take their small children to restaurants probably feel housebound and miss their adult life, in which case it’s probably best just to hire a babysitter. For some families this might not be so easy, especially with so many young parents living far from family and not fully connected with their communities.

Also, many parents have grown up with little exposure to small children (few siblings, never baby-sat), and they really do not understand the developmental needs of a young child – that is, after about 4 p.m., most kids need to be winding down, not getting overstimulated.

And, too, many parents work, and when they come home they literally do not have time to make a meal, in which case eating out is a lot faster. Many families in my practice struggle with this. They have no time for basic family care like grocery shopping and making meals. There is no simple solution to this, either. Buying prepared meals is pricey. Hiring help also is financially unrealistic for most families. I think we as a society need to rethink the notion that emotional success in adulthood means moving away from one’s native family.

In the meantime, teaching families how to make simple, quick, tasty meals is important. As is helping families connect with their communities –neighbors, houses of worship, and preschools.

So if families have to go out to eat, they should go early. And they should order off the adult menu; those kids’ meals are complete junk.

Susan Laster, M.D.

Brookline, Mass.

Restaurant Exposure

My husband and I are 40-year-old parents with a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. We regularly go out to dinner with our children, sometimes (although not typically) to "fancy" restaurants. We chose to do this for a number of reasons. As you mentioned, it is a nice time for our family to spend some time together in a special place. Also, it is an opportunity for our children to try new foods – one of our recent excursions was to a Lebanese restaurant – and learn how to behave politely and respectfully in a more formal environment. However, that being said, we never bring electronics with us, we rarely arrive at a restaurant after 6:30 p.m., and we make it clear to our children that we expect them to sit in their seats, have quiet conversation, and behave respectfully and politely to us, the restaurant staff, and our fellow diners. We usually have a few books, markers, or small toys tucked away in my purse for times when the meal is taking a long time to arrive or we have miscalculated how fidgety our children are.

I wish I could say they have never been unruly, but when they are, they are disciplined and often removed from the dining area. However, they will never learn how to behave in this setting if they are not exposed to it. They know that if they behave like hooligans, we will not bring them back, and they love to go out to eat with us. We sometimes even have strangers comment on how well behaved they are, so we presume they must be learning something.

Rather than banning children, perhaps a better solution would be for restaurants to embark on an educational effort to help parents teach their children to behave properly in a restaurant. Our city has a "Kids Restaurant Week" when nice restaurants open their doors to families for a reduced price (a dollar per year of age of the child), serving "fancy" food in the serving sizes and presentations that are appealing to children. What a nice way for kids to experience a special outing while still learning how to behave respectfully in a room full of adults.

Lee Savio Beers, M.D.

Washington, D.C.

Eating in Restaurants Is a Privilege

I found Dr. Wilkoff’s Letters From Maine column about restaurant age restrictions interesting. I agree that parents have some trouble saying no, and they also may have some trouble determining when and where it is appropriate to bring their children.