How many minutes do you spend each day trying to coax new parents off the guilt train? They have delayed their childbearing until they felt comfortable economically and emotionally ready to raise a child. Convinced that up to this point they have done enough correctly to be considered successful, they see no reason that they won’t be able to tackle parenthood just as easily. Their black lab is a model of obedience. Housebreaking him was a breeze. They are skilled at using the Internet and social media to gather the information they will need for raising a child.
However, at some point in the first 72 hours after the birth of their child, most parents are going to hit the wall of reality. It may be that breastfeeding doesn’t work as well their cousin told them it would or simply that babies cry, often for no discernible reason. Desperately wanting to do what’s right for their child, guilt creeps in as the little failures and fatigue begin to accumulate.
In their search for answers, new parents naturally come to us as pediatricians and family practitioners for the facts, but they also will search the Internet, talk to lactation consultants, and be bombarded by unsolicited advice from family members and neighbors. Every source they turn to, including physicians, will be filtered through its own bias.
I recently came across the most sensible advice for new parents I have read in a long time, and it came not from a pediatrician but from an economics professor at Brown University. Emily Oster, PhD, writing in the New York Times, examines the available data on the topics of breastfeeding, sleep training, and parents working out of the home with the objectivity of an economist and the sensitivity of a mother who has been there and done that (New York Times, April 19, 2019).
For example, she observes that many of the benefits of breastfeeding are supported by some evidence, “just not always especially good evidence. And even when the evidence is good, the benefits are smaller than many people realize.” She points out that “most studies of breastfeeding are biased by the fact that women who breastfeed are typically different from those who do not.” I will leave it to you to read her full discussion that includes a comparison of random trials versus observational studies. But she concludes that, if one relies on only good evidence, the only demonstrable benefit of breastfeeding is for mothers who nurse longer than 12 months who may have a 20%-30% decrease in breast cancer risk.
Using the same kind of careful analysis, Dr. Oster finds that sleep training may have a short-term benefit for parents who will have improved sleep and less maternal depression, but in the long run children who were sleep trained were no different than those that weren’t.
She also finds that, when it comes to the “optimal configuration of adult work hours” for a household, there is “no compelling evidence that proves that having a stay-at-home parent affects child outcomes, positively or negatively.” It is up to each household what works best for all it members, not just the child.
I found it particularly helpful as a practitioner who has often felt shackled, or at least disadvantaged, by the American Academy of Pediatrics’ overly simplistic and sometimes biased recommendations on issues that send my patients’ parents on unfortunate and avoidable guilt trips.
Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Email him at.