Beware of Those Beers

Lest the reader get the impression that all I ever do is take away patients intoxicating beverages, there have been a few notable exceptions in my career. A doctor in a "Doonesbury" comic strip once barked out the important order: "Nurse, get this patient a beer!" What glorious fun it would be, I jealously thought to myself, to one day use that line. By comparison to "Doonesbury," my career feels drab and boring. My orders would more likely be for laxatives than for beers.

One winter weekend, I had to make hospital rounds at a long term-care hospital. An elderly woman who was probably slightly demented asked me if she could have a beer while she watched the Super Bowl. With supreme satisfaction, I remembered the doctor in the comic strip, and I told the nurse to get the lady a beer.