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Let my people poop!

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This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends: Not with a bang, but a tilted toilet.

The latest piece of late-stage capitalistic horror comes from Great Britain, and has lovingly been called the “StandardToilet.” No dystopian overtones there, absolutely not. The toilet’s “genius” lies in the seat’s 13-degree downward slope, which increases strain on the legs just like a squat thrust would. Sit on one for more than 5 minutes, and the pain becomes too much to handle.

The inventor of the StandardToilet claims that his product will cut time employees spend on the toilet by 25%, saving businesses as much as 4.8 billion pounds sterling a year. Not only that, he suggests that there are numerous health benefits, such as reduced hemorrhoid risk and a reduction of musculoskeletal disorders.

Critics were quick to point out that people with disabilities would likely have accessibility issues (and let’s not forget people with GI diseases), and a bathroom space expert (yes, that’s a thing) suggested that, if employees are spending too much time on the toilet, the issue is likely not laziness but the poor state of affairs in the workplace itself.

As purveyors of quality toilet- and poop-themed humor, we here at Livin’ on the MDedge world headquarters think it would be a shame if the giant corporations of the world took away normal toilets. So we say to the downtrodden proletariat: Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your toilets!

Livin’ on the MDedge will be taking a holiday break, but we’ll be back to advance medical science in January!

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