Livin' on the MDedge

Chernobyl vodka, music-enhanced cheese, and bong bacteria


 

  • Dog food bowls: 248.5 RLU.
  • ATM keypad buttons: 1,819 RLU.
  • Public toilet seats: 2,350 RLU.
  • Cannabis pipes: 3,497 RLU.

When reached for comment, a bacterium inhabiting a cannabis pipe had this to say: “It’s like the big book says, dude: Be totally excellent and multiply.”

You may want to skip that morning coffee

RicAguiar/iStock/Getty Images Plus

It’s no secret that Earth’s climate is changing. The planet is heating up as record amounts of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases are pumped into the atmosphere every year. It’s a complex and dire problem with no easy solution.

Well, unless you’re Jair Bolsonaro, president of Brazil. He’s come up with a very simple, very elegant way to save the environment: Poop less.

To be more precise, pooping every other day “will be better for the whole world,” according to Mr. Bolsonaro. His statement, made in response to criticism that clear-cutting of the Brazilian rainforest has accelerated dramatically in the past year (870 square miles in July 2019, a 278% increase from the year before), also included a call to eat less, which is fair enough. As for the poop advice, we run into a slight problem.

According to a 2018 study published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology, healthy adults poop anywhere from three times a day (the Taco Bell enthusiasts, no doubt) to three times a week, and only 40% poop at least once a day. A “poop every other day” law would likely result only in a lot of brown pants and not a lot of healthier environment.

So, back to the drawing board, we’re afraid. Maybe nix that whole clear-cutting the rainforest thing?

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