Dealing with difficult people
Communicate with the person or persons with whom you have the conflict – it is essential that you have the “difficult” conversation. This conversation must be done face-to-face and in private. Never communicate by email, social media, or through gossip. Remain calm, professional, and show respect even if the other person does not. At this meeting detail the problem, but also come prepared with suggestions as to how the conflict might be resolved.
Take responsibility – you can’t control situations or people – but you can choose how you will respond to every situation. This is the appropriate time to establish boundaries; avoid any behavior that might be considered bullying or harassment. Redirect negativity that emanates from the person with whom you have the conflict as well as any potentially self-imposed negativity. Make every effort to avoid statements that include “you never” and “you always,” as there are very few absolutes in life. Consider the other person’s perspective as well; try to see it from their point of view because your “personal truth” is not the only “truth.” Our individual personal life experiences form the foundation for much of our opinions and views; therefore, it should be obvious that persons from widely varied backgrounds and cultures will differ in their approaches. If at all possible, give the person another chance; even the most difficult person has good attributes.
Once you have had the “difficult” conversation and there is still no resolution in sight you should take it to management. Everyone has a boss – even the Boss! There is much to gain from involving an impartial party or mediator. This impartial individual is able to understand the viewpoint of all parties involved and frequently that person’s solution may be considered acceptable because it is coming from someone not directly affected by the conflict.
Unresolved conflicts result in many negative effects – interference with one’s career is foremost – and that alone can be a source of undue stress. Other negative effects are the development of a hostile work environment, diminished productivity, low morale, and high employee turnover. Physicians in particular are prone to experiencing an increase in medical errors, litigation claims, and poor patient care when there are unresolved conflicts on the table.
In an ideal world, there are no difficult people; there are either no conflicts or all conflicts are resolved immediately without any lasting deleterious effects. Unfortunately, the world abounds in conflict at varying stages of resolution. As a final bit of advice, in dealing with difficult persons, do not allow conflicts to obscure your goals for successful patient care and/or customer service. Focus on why you decided to join your place of employment and realize that everyone has a role in making the team work! If you are dedicated to addressing conflicts as they arise, and utilizing the strategies outlined, you will often find that foes can truly become friends.
Dr. Cole is associate section chief, gastroenterology, and chief, GI endoscopy, Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center; and associate professor, internal medicine, Baylor College of Medicine, Houston.
