Boatload
I got a sinking feeling this week reading that Australian mining billionaire Clive Palmer has commissioned a Chinese shipbuilder to craft a new version of the Titanic, to be named...wait for it...the Titanic II. Representatives of the company, CSC Jinling, could not confirm the story, but if true it would the be the shipbuilder’s first foray into making passenger liners. Is this just another example of hubris on the part of the 1%? I’m going to say yes, but I suspect it’s only the tip of the iceberg.
Speaking of being in the drink, this week’s medical news included alarming reports of adolescents ending up in emergency departments after drinking hand sanitizer. Apparently teens have been smart enough to read “62% ethyl alcohol” on the labels and realize that’s the same stuff in other popular beverages. That’s where the smart part ends.
Personally, I have a hard time finding any flavoring tasty enough to make drinking even top shelf gin or bourbon pleasurable. I’m trying to imagine what mixers might go well with Pine Fresh Aloe Vera Hand Cleanser treated with salt to release the ethanol. Crushed dryer sheets?
But if the trend is perplexing, some of the commentary and advice that accompanies it is downright bizarre. An injury prevention coordinator at Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles is quoted in the LA Times saying, “Cough syrup reached a very sexy point where young people were using it...We want to be sure this doesn’t take on the same trend.” Sexy? “Girl, you’re so hot, you’re like, you know, dextromethorphan. Or hand sanitizer. You’re hot like hand sanitizer, you know?” In the same article parents are advised to buy foam sanitizer rather than gel. Why? Because the bubbles tickle going down?
Speaking of drinking, those wild folks at Dartmouth are at it again. No, it’s not Animal House II, it’s just that two new studies out of the New Hampshire medical school reinforce the role of kids’ media intake in the choices they make about underaged drinking and fast food consumption. Adolescents who were able to recognize television commercials for specific brands of alcohol even after the brand names had been digitally removed were much more likely to binge drink than kids who thought The Most Interesting Man In The World sells cough syrup. A similar experiment with children demonstrated a correlation between fast food brand recognition and obesity. I see a lot of potential for future studies using this technique. For example, if my son can tell the difference between ads for John Deere and Toro, is he more likely to mow the lawn?
Speaking of drinking, a study from Oregon presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies meeting questions whether we’ve gotten the whole pacifier thing backwards when it comes to encouraging nursing. Built right into the Baby-Friendly Hospital criteria is a mandate that newborn nurseries not give infants pacifiers. (That Baby-Friendly step is right between “Always smile and wave at babies,” and, “If babies seem down on their luck, offer them a loan.”)
The American Academy Of Pediatrics recommends holding off on pacifiers until newborns are a month old to encourage nursing. But when the newborn nursery at the Oregon Health & Science University actually implemented the guidelines, rates of breast feeding dropped dramatically, from 80% down to 68%. Having just visited Portland, my impression is that if you can’t promote breast feeding there, those of us in the rest of the country may as well just give up. No one seems to be able to explain why pacifiers seemed to promote nursing, but until this issue gets sorted out I’m going to stop tiptoeing through the halls of New Hanover Regional Medical Center at midnight, swiping binkies out of the bassinets. Instead I’ll stay home, put my feet up by the fire, and enjoy a snifter of barrel-aged single malt hand sanitizer.